We had a pretty good day around here yesterday, overall. In the morning I did 35 minutes of yoga, and then made an appointment for Maggie to go to the vet. We think that she has an ear infection. Then I did some chores around the house, watched a Christmas movie, and in the afternoon took Maggie on a walk on the Centennial Trail. I noticed that she is still lunging at everyone and everything on her walks and needs a lot more leash training, and training just not to jump on people. We need to be more consistent basically about not petting her when she jumps up. I wish that we could get her into a basic skills class but because of the pandemic those are likely all closed right now. So in a few months we’ll do that.
Here’s a picture of me and Maggie on our walk yesterday:
In other news, Nakia is still in heat. She’s very uncomfortable and is whining all of the time. I’m going to call around today to local vets and see if I can get her in for a spay earlier (the earliest our vet had was the end of December). She seems very unhappy being in heat and being stuck in the house so I want to get her spayed ASAP, plus she’s disrupting our sleep with her vocalizing.
I’m also becoming more aware in terms of my system that the parts that are still loyal to my family (and the cult) are parts that I’ve known about all along. They are the parts that I was used to thinking of as “Meryl”. But, they are actually programmed parts. So this has been a weird thing for me to accept, that who I thought of as myself was actually a programmed person. But the thing is that I don’t want to push these parts away, because they contain all of the memories of day to day living and will help me to cope in this world. It’s weird that I couldn’t see that they were there all along but for some reason I couldn’t. I am feeling a bit better since coming to this realization but it’s still strange to me, all of it.
I also went to a circle for solitary witches (virtually) last night that’s run by a woman that I know. I was really nervous during all of it because I’ve had such bad experiences with anything that has to do with group type religion or spirituality. But I got through it. Some of my parts didn’t like it at all though because it was too triggering for them. Others liked being a part of a community. So we’ll see if I go again. I’ll probably bring it up in my counseling session this week with one of my counselors.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the counseling I’m doing. I’m seeing two counselors a week right now: one for DID, and one for my eating disorder. The one who is helping me with my eating disorder doesn’t seem to know too much about DID though. That really scares me because I’ve worked with counselors before who didn’t know much about it and they really messed me up. So I have to be careful with this one and make sure that she doesn’t treat me too much like I’m one person. It’s hard having DID and dealing with counselors and co-occuring conditions.
Well, Maggie’s wanting to play so I’d better go. Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below.