So I’ve been thinking about all the RA I went through, and why my system collapsed, which resulted in memories of trauma surfacing. I’m until now, I’ve been looking at the memories under the assumption that the different RA abusers and cults communicating with each other regarding the RA and programming I went through as both a child and an adult. But, last night I realized, that, what if they did not communicate? That would explain a lot. It would explain why I received programming from multiple groups at once that did not seem to compliment each other, and why my system broke down. Because, if I was going through RA from competing groups, it definitely explains why my system became so messed up and has been collapsing over and over again for so many years, and why the cult that I grew up with attempt’s at reprogramming did not work. It also explains why my brain is so messed up right now.
I’m not sure what to make of this. I go back and forth wondering if these cults were connected and communicating but they must not have been because my programming started breaking down at 33. So at some level I’m actually happy about this because it means that I have an opportunity to heal from all of this. At the same time, though, my system is pretty messed up and traumatized.
At least I’m out of these groups now (including AA, where some of the programming took place) and am not going back. And I am angry that all these competing groups did what they did to me.
Anyways, those are my thoughts for this morning. Thanks for reading, feel free to comment below.