I’m feeling so good both emotionally and mentally despite everything that I am grieving about. My brain really feels quite clear and I am able to connect with my emotions today. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this clear-headed. I know that it had to be pre-2004/2005 when my Lyme and EBV symptoms first reactivated.
I think that this clarity of thinking has been coming on slowly over the last month or two, since I started Lyme medications. Over the last couple of months my counselor has noticed, for example, that I’m making breakthroughs in counseling. I do think that treating the neuro-Lyme has a big part to do with that. Also, I think that having a counselor who specializes in DID and severe trauma is really helping as well. I feel like I’m finally getting the help that I need.
I will say, though, that it was miserable to go to counseling (and also AA) for so many years and to keep just getting worse both mentally and physically. It was especially hard in AA because people acted like there must be something wrong with me because I wasn’t “getting it” or getting better. But I’ve learned now that the problem was not with me. The problem was untreated Lyme Disease, untreated DID (and the people who caused it), and untreated ADHD/autism. Now that I’m actually getting treatment for these things I’m getting better, even if it is going slow.
Physically though I’m struggling though. I’m very weak right now. Even the slightest bit of exertion makes me almost pass out. I’m getting dizzy and lightheaded easily. I just don’t feel well in general. This does suck but at least I’m not depressed on top of it.
I’m still going to try to do some restorative yoga today. We’ll see if I can do it. I just know that I can’t do cardio right now.
Halloween (yesterday) was okay. We dressed up Maggie as a poodle girl. It was adorable! And we watched some horror movies that were not too scary.
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