As you guys read yesterday, it turns out that what I thought was a cold a few weeks ago is actually walking pneumonia, and that a bunch of doctors failed to catch onto this even though I had walking pneumonia last winter. This has majorly pissed me off. The other thing is that my treatment resistant depression is rearing it’s head and I’m experiencing a lot of system instability right now. So, on Saturday I went to the hospital looking to get places in an inpatient program. I didn’t get into one for a couple of reasons. First of all, the intake coordinator said that there are no programs in my area who treat for Dissociative Identity Disorder. There are ones in other parts of the country, but I can’t travel due to Chronic Lyme Disease and the pandemic. Secondly, because I’m active and possibly contagious with EBV and CMV (and now pneumonia), the only place that could take me (which isn’t DID friendly anyways) is Swedish Edmonds Hospital, the place where I had a terrible experience last summer. So, I opted not to go there. The social worker I talked to recommended an intensive outpatient program (virtual), but my counselor is worried that if it they don’t treat for DID that it might destabilize me even more. I’m going to talk to the program coordinator today and find out if they have any experience with DID but it sounds like they do not. So, if that’s the case, I might not get the help that I need.
The other thing is that this treatment center has a chemical dependency program associated with it, and I worry that because of that, they might throw the 12 steps at me. I wouldn’t like that at all because I think that 12 step programs are harmful, destructive cults. So I’m going to have to tell them that I feel this way and that trying to convince me otherwise will be harmful to me. I’m also going to tell them that my story in AA is so bad and traumatic that it will drive newcomers away from the program if I go to group therapy. To me, this isn’t a problem, since I see it as a destructive cult, but to the treatment community they may see this to be an issue.
And I think I shared last week in my blog that I’m not the only one who thinks that AA may be/is a dangerous cult. Even a cult expert Steven Hassan has now listed 12 step groups as possible cults. Thankfully. Which means that I’m definitely not crazy to think this.
Back to the point. I feel like it’s just trashy that not only can I not get diagnosed with pneumonia in a reasonable amount of time, but now I can’t find mental health services for DID that are beyond once a week counseling. There’s a problem here and it’s obviously not me. It’s in the healthcare system itself. And it’s left me pissed.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Feel free to comment below.