I’m feeling burned out right now. I’m not sure why, but, I do think that all the awareness on human trafficking right now is getting to me. In one way, it’s good, because it means that I feel more open to talking about my experiences. On the other hand, though, it is triggering to me and brings things up, so I think that it’s creating some burnout right now. I’m also doing a lot of processing right now regarding what happened to me so I think that this is contributing to how I’m feeling.
It’s hard to know what to do when I’m feeling this way. Do I try to do something fun, or just stay home and relax and do nothing? I find that if I do nothing at all, that sometimes this can result in an increase in thoughts about trauma and traumatic memories. But if I do too much then I stay burned out. So for me, it’s important to find balance when I feel this way, and to do something fun.
There was also a big drama with my family yesterday. One of my cousins got exposed to covid-19, and decided to quarantine a few states away up here in Washington State. She’s had a couple of negative tests but we know that it can take two weeks for a positive test and for symptoms to show up after exposure. Then I found out that she might want to see some of my family members after being exposed to covid-19 and was kind of freaking out for a few hours as to whether my whole family was going to come down with covid-19 from this. Luckily, it turns out that no one wants to see her or the people she’s staying with right now, so I didn’t have anything to worry about, but I didn’t find that out for awhile. So I was stressed half the day yesterday over this. Even though my family is really abusive I still don’t want them all to come down with this deadly disease. Plus, just the principle of it stressed me out. I’m glad though that it worked out after all.
I also asked and became a mod for a group that I’m in for trauma survivors on Facebook. This has added a little bit of stress to my life the last few days as I get used to this new role.
Back to the burnout, though, I am going to try to take it easy today if I can. I do have yoga here in half an hour and then am going to the infared sauna. Later today I’ll take Maggie for a walk somewhere. Outside of that, though, because I’m feeling burned out I’m going to take a break from writing for the day and try to relax as much as I can.
David is also feeling quite burned out and exhausted. He’s so exhausted that our doctor wants to test him for Epstein Barr (mono) to see if he’s reactivated like I am. He’s getting tested for it and other viruses that I have next week.
We’re also trying to decide what to do with Maggie’s training next month. Right now, she goes to day training twice a week, and has a training class on Saturday mornings. But, she’s getting to the point where she gets upset when she has to go to day training without us. So I think that we’re going to move to classes next month versus day training. This just means that we’ll have to do more of the training at home, but that she’ll also get to spend more time with us. I’m also happy about this because I’m not a fan of the half hour round trip (or more) it takes to drop her off at the training facility. I hate driving, especially freeway driving, and those trips add up. Once we have her in training classes that will be a couple less trips a week out to the different training facilities.
The one facility that she goes to actually does agility training, and we’re thinking of signing her up for that.
For readers who follow Patrick, our cat who has cancer, he’s hanging in there. He stopped eating in the evening for some reason and only wants to eat during the day. This morning he didn’t eat well at all so he probably needs an anti-nausea medication. He’s also really sniffly right now and stuffy. His allergies are obviously bad. In a couple of weeks he’s going to be getting his heart checked, and then he’ll have an MRI to see about the tumor in his brain and more ultrasounds of his tummy.
Tempest, our other cat, has kidney disease and hyperthyroidism. He has an appointment next week to determine what meds and diet he should be on from now on.
As I write this, I realize that it’s probably obvious that part of my burnout is likely caregiver fatigue. I probably need to take some time for myself more often.
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