Our cat Lucy passed away suddenly from complications of large cell lymphoma back in February. It was really difficult. The vets didn’t catch his treatable complications in time, even though we expressed concerns about it. It was really hard to let him go because I know that if the vets had done a simple x-ray, he might have been with us for another month or two.
As I was holding Patrick, his brother, in my arms last night and cuddling with him, I remembered how much Lucy used to love cuddling. I remembered what it felt like to hold him. And I really miss him.
I still have guilt for not helping the vets catch his issues sooner (he was severely constipated towards the end). I knew that he had a history of constipation so I should have insisted that they check on it but I was trying to trust the vets and be nice about everything. I wish now that I would have been more assertive.
I just miss him so much. He was such a good kitty. After I thought about this last night I had nightmares and then woke up at 6:30 am crying because I miss him so much. Patrick came and laid on my belly and helped me to get back to sleep.
The other thing that gets me too about Lucy is that I wasn’t as present during the last few years of his life as I am today. I wish that I would have been there more for him emotionally and been able to better connect. But my system was all over the place and I just couldn’t. It was so much stress to take care of two (at one point, three) cats with cancer while having memories and physical health problems. I just really had a hard time connecting with him truly towards the end. I wish he was here now so he could see me doing better. I would give him a huge hug and tell him how much I love him.
Maybe he’s hearing me writing this now. Hopefully he is watching me and can see all this.
Like I’ve said in previous posts, it’s hard to lose a pet.
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