I started having repressed memories, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts about trauma pretty much 24/7 back in June 2015. My life has continued this way up until they started to slow down/diminish over the last few months. I always assumed that life would be so great once the memories were over/slowed, but the truth is, that now I am having to re-adapt to life all over again. I did this when the memories started, and learned how to live with such debilitating PTSD and constant processing of trauma. Now that it’s all slowed down, though, life seems eerily… slow. And kind of boring at times too. It’s really quite surreal. And, because I was engrossed with the memories for so long, I have a hard time staying present in the moment these days. But I’m learning how to do it.
One thing that’s really helping me to stay present is yoga and other forms of exercise. I do yoga at least three times a week, if not more. It really helps me to concentrate and live in the present, as well as to relax. I’m finding it extremely beneficial to me. And, I’m even starting to push myself to become a little more flexible in the poses.
I also use a lot of self talk to keep myself from panicking. The thing is that being present actually can be anxiety provoking for me, so I feel like a lot of the time I’m constantly grounding myself and talking myself through whatever I’m doing. It does get quite exhausting to do this, so I rest a lot as well (I take a lot of naps).
My pets help me too in staying in the present moment. I want to be there for them, so I work hard to be a good pet mommy and to be present.
I also feel like finally being married gives me the security and intimacy that I need to really heal.
We also bought a thermotherapy machine (the Avacen 100) with our health savings account. I tried it last week, and it relieved my pain and PTSD symptoms for a couple of days. I was able to stay more present and even drove Maggie to go on a walk two days in a row (I usually don’t like to drive). So, we decided to buy a device. I’m excited to start using it every day.
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