It’s hard having so many health conditions to deal with. Whether it’s physical health symptoms from the Epstein Barr or Lyme disease, or severe Dissociation from DID, it seems as though I’m almost always dealing with something. It makes it hard to just get through the day and get even the basic necessities done.
For example, I had a panic attack on Monday. When I went to the doctor on Monday, we took David’s car. I forgot that David’s car didn’t have masks in it or hand sanitizer about half way to the doctor’s. So, when we got there, he went in to get a mask for me. They only had cloth, homemade masks, which aren’t as protective as the N-95s that I wear, so that got to me. Then, we had to drive around, looking for a lab that was open for a blood draw (it was about 5 pm). We drove to one that was supposed to be open but it wasn’t, and I touched door handles and things when I was there. But, we didn’t have any hand sanitizer! So I started freaking out and soon had a panic attack. I ended up getting my blood drawn the next day because the labs are closing early these days, and they had to take 7 vials of it. The whole thing was brutal.
This morning I had severe nausea. I came really close to throwing up but somehow didn’t. It was kind of funny though because I was holding Patrick and Maggie was trying to jump up on me when I was trying not to throw up (I had just taken my meds and didn’t want to throw them up). Anyways, I just sat in the bathroom for awhile until it passed.
I don’t know what caused me to be so nauseous, but it happens a few mornings a week. And no, I’m not pregnant. This is probably because of one of my medications or health problems. And it’s really uncomfortable.
I am going to do 40 minutes of detox Vinyasa yoga today once the nausea passes, and then take Maggie for a walk this evening. I’m also going to do the dishes and other chores like that.
Really, though, it takes everything I have just to get through the day, even if I don’t always say so. I think part of why life is so hard for me too is because I’m overcoming SRA programming and am learning to actually live life for the first time in a non-programmed state. The past few years have been really hard for me. It’s easy to live while you’re programmed, you just live in a little bubble and don’t really think deeply about anything. It’s much harder to genuinely live life. But, I’m getting used to it and am happy to have control over myself and my life.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below.