About five years ago, my old incredibly abusive sponsor from AA married a newcomer man who is a convicted pedophile. I didn’t know about the convicted pedophile part until a few years later, when someone confided in me about it. I was already keeping my distance from her, particularly because she and another man who sexually abused me (my ex-boyfriend) were kind of in cahoots together. They both go to a 12 step program, and, despite his abuse history towards women, as of a few years ago she was actually sponsoring him and friends with him. So for my own safety and sanity I started avoiding her years ago. When I found out that her husband is a pedophile, I wasn’t overly surprised since I knew that she already hung around other sexual offenders. Still, it totally rubbed me the wrong way and confirmed my own abuse history with her and that my memories of her sexually assaulting me were not false like people were trying to persuade me to think.
Anyways, apparently someone found this man’s arrest record and posted it publicly on Facebook. Now, everyone’s freaking out because apparently women with children in AA have been around this man without being told of his history, or if they knew of his history, the husband and wife downplayed it and made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. But, now that an arrest report has been made public, with all the gory details of what the guy did, there is no question that this is a big deal. And people are really angry about this. No children have come forward saying that they were hurt by this man, but still, the issue remains that women with children were being encouraged to hang out with a conviced sex offender within the AA community by certain people.
You might wonder how this would happen, how the women who knew could bring their children around the guy. Well, the wife is what is considered an old-timer, and is largely trusted in AA. She has a good reputation of “being of service” despite sponsees like me who accuse her of abuse. She’s very involved in the AA community. I think that she very easily was able to manipulate women around her due to her status and power in the community.
The truth is that AA is a breeding ground for this type of thing due to it’s reliance on status through things like “service” and by putting old-timers on pedestals. The truth is, that this needs to stop. People in AA need to realize that anyone can be a predator, man or woman, no matter how much service they may do or good that they might do for the community. People need to open their eyes to the fact that this is what predators do. They groom you. And in AA, they do it through using their status and the principles of the program to break the people around them into trusting them.
My ex boyfriend, the one who raped me over and over again and forced me into sex trafficking through death threats with other men in the program, also had service positions within AA. He was actually on the accessibility committee, which is a committee that works to bring the AA message to vulnerable populations like the disabled and elderly. And, he’s a predator. What do you really think that he was doing in trying to help vulnerable people, especially vulnerable women? Prey on them, duh! And, at the same time, he put himself in a position where people would need to trust and rely on him, and where he would look like a good guy doing service in AA. Really, though, he’s a rapist and likelly a narcissist who is looking for people to not only prey upon but to boost his ego. And the old sponsor, the woman who is now married to a pedophile, always coincidentally sponsors young women with developmental and mental health issues. That tells me right there that likely she is a predator too (I know too because she asssaulted me).
So what’s really going on in AA? You tell me. What I see is a bunch of vulnerable people surrounded by predators who work their way up in the service structure in order to gain the trust of those around them.
I talked to a friend yesterday who tried to get me to go back to AA. I said no. The truth is that there is no way I’m ever going back to that place. I just wish that others could see it for what is really is: a hotbed for predatory behavior.
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