Ever since I realized that I had parts about five years ago, I’ve had a hard time embracing them. I’ve kept trying to hold onto my normal parts, the fronters/hosts, as me, when there are all these other parts there as well. Finally, last night, I realized that the fronters, or hosts, were just parts as well and are not any more a part of me/me than any other part. I somehow started to really understand and acknowledge that yes, I have parts, and that the personality that I thought was me my whole life is just one aspect of who I am.
I did have a lot of problems sleeping last night, though, after my revelation, and was having a lot of repressed memories for some reason, and nightmares. I kept waking up all night from them. But, today I’m actually feeling much better. My derealization is still going down, and I’m feeling much more like myself, if that makes sense.
From now on I’m going to try to acknowledge all of the parts, not just the ones that I’m used to. And, I don’t need to try to stay, either, in only the parts that I know as me. I can let the others come out as well.
For those who don’t know, I personally find is scary to have dissociative identity disorder. First of all, it means that I went through severe trauma as a child that I do not fully remember, which is scary in itself. Secondly, the idea of having parts and timeloss between them is scary as well. It makes me feel out of control and unsure about things. Because of all this, it’s taken me awhile to get used to and accept that I have DID. It’s not an easy diagnosis to have.
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