We got some bad news from the trainer yesterday about Maggie, as well as some bad news about Patrick from the vet. I’ll start with Patrick first. He’s been really sniffly and sneezy the last couple of months. We put him on antibiotics for this, but it didn’t fully clear it up. So, we took him into the internal medicine specialist yesterday. She thinks that there is a chance that his cancer has spread to his naval cavity. So, we’re taking him off chemo for two weeks and putting him down on prednisolone, and then he is going to have a bunch of testing done, including biopsies of the nasal passage. I did some reading on this type of cancer in cats and it is more aggressive typically than the type of cancer that Patrick currently has (small cell intestinal lymphoma) and commonly is treated using radiation. I’m pretty scared and upset by what I read and about the possible diagnosis. Of course, he’s had cancer for almost two years now, and even chemotherapy can only do so much to keep it from spreading. Hopefully, though, he is just having an inflammatory response in his nasal cavity and the cancer is under control. But, we won’t know what’s going on with him for a few weeks.
The other news is that Maggie is being very fearful at day training. She’s gone for two days, and she was so fearful yesterday that she refused to drink any water. Because of this, the trainer told us that Maggie might not be cut out to be a service dog. This is really disappointing to me as I was hoping that I could bring her everywhere with me so that she can help with my PTSD and ADHD/autism symptoms, as well as do fatigue alerts. The trainer said that she will keep working with Maggie in hopes that she can become a service dog, but it’s possible that she’s just too fearful. So I’m all sad about this, and some of my child parts were especially sad and frustrated last night. We’ve all really been so hopeful and happy about having our own service dog. The good news, though, is that at least we have a dog, so that’s better than nothing! Still, many of us are quite disappointed by this development.
Maggie had a hard night in her crate last night. I kept waking up to her panting heavily, as if she was too warm, or thirsty. So I finally had David get her some water. Then, about 4 am, she woke us up with barking, and it turns out that she had an accident in her crate. She was really upset about it. So, I let her sleep with us for the rest of the night. No one got a lot of sleep, though, including her. It was just a hard night overall. The next time she goes to day training I’m going to make sure that she drinks plenty of water early in the evening after she gets home in order to prevent this from happening again.
The micro-dosing with THC experiment is still going well. I’m noticing that the world seems a lot more real these days, meaning that my derealization/depersonalization symptoms are lessening. I also seem to have more mental energy during the day because I’m not so anxious. I’m still quite exhausted though from just all of the stress that I’m going through with working through trauma, taking care of a puppy and a cat with cancer, and dealing with my many health issues. I’m getting by, though. Right now on the microdose I’m up to 2.5 mg a day. I built up a tolerance to 1.25 pretty quickly, which is not too surprising to me because I used to smoke pot years ago.
I’ve also gained a couple of pounds during the last few weeks, which is weird because I’m exercising all the time with Maggie. I’m going to talk to my doctor about potentially going down on my antipsychotic tomorrow. I can’t keep gaining weight like this because I won’t fit into my clothes anymore, and I really don’t want to go clothes shopping right now! I feel better about going down on that medication now that I have the fallback of THC to keep me out of depression.
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