Everything I’ve been doing for myself seems to be working. My dissociation is down enough so that I can actually feel my body. Just a few days ago this wasn’t so. But today, thanks to the supplements I’m taking, counseling I’m doing, and micro-dosing with THC, I can actually feel my feet on the floor when I walk around the house or go on a walk. As I said, just a few days ago, I couldn’t fully feel this. I’m really happy that this is happening. It feels nice.
I’m not sure how I went for almost five years being as dissociated and anxious as I was. It was really uncomfortable and depressing. I’m glad that things are turning around for me!
I’m handling the memories better now too that I’m not so anxious, and am finding it easier to process the trauma that I went through. And, interestingly enough, I feel less paranoid after microdosing for a few days (I decided to do it for four days after researching how to microdose). I just wish that I had followed doctor’s suggestions and tried something like this sooner.
Yesterday I had some body memories, but I was able to let them pass pretty easily. That’s good. I’m not always able to do that.
We took Maggie on a couple of walks yesterday, one on the local trail and another around the neighborhood. She is getting to know some of the neighborhood dogs on her walk. There is even a four month old puppy (same age as her) a few doors down that is interested in playing with her! It’s quite cute to see them getting to know each other when he’s out during her walk.
I’m hoping that parks open back up soon, but they might not. I know that our governer is supposed to give an update later this week about the stay at home order, and reporters are saying that it might be extended again. That’s too bad, because I was really hoping to take Maggie to a few parks. The flip side of this, though, is that because she’s a puppy, she can only walk for 20 minutes twice a day anyways, so it’s not like we can go on hikes right now anyways. So it sort of works out that we have to just go on short walks around the neighborhood and on the trail.
This morning Maggie’s all over Patrick. She really wants to play with him, but he doesn’t want to. David made the remark that we practically have to carry Patrick everywhere these days because whenever he tries to walk somewhere he is attacked by Maggie!
I hope that this blog post finds everyone well. I know that we are going through a collective trauma right now and that this is going to have an impact on everyone. If you’ve ever seen Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, you’ll know that things like safety and health are towards the bottom of the pyramid. There is no reason to shoot for things like self-actualization or to expect yourself to be super productive right now when the security of our health and those around us are in question. Remember that there are many people who are struggling with employment, resources, and other things in that second to lowest row and that some are in the bottom right now. So be gentle on yourself and others, and if you’re a trauma survivor, expect some triggers to be brought up right now. Also, even if you have fulfilled your needs on the bottom two rows and are not as afraid of getting sick, you could still be struggling with love and belonging right now due to the quarantines. I would say that if I myself were to look at this hierarchy, since my health is doing okay right now, I’d probably be in the third row (love and belonging) on my good days, and second to bottom on the days that I struggle with my health, or feel fear about the pandemic. Where do you stand?
Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below.