I’m Not Feeling Great This Morning. I Think I’m Having Body Memories

Patrick and Maggie were fighting for about 15 minutes this morning. I could feel it stressing me out and triggering me. I broke up their fight finally by separating them (putting Patrick into one of the bedrooms with his food), but then suddenly I felt horribly nauseous and had terrible body pains all over. It came on really quickly, too. I’m not sure if this is partially because I overdid it yesterday, which it could be. Yesterday, I did both 25 minutes of yoga and took Maggie on a 25 minute walk, so I could be feeling tired and having post-exertional fatigue from that. Still, this felt a bit different than true PEF and symptoms. I think that it might be some type of body memory, which is where your body remembers some type of trauma and the feelings of that trauma manifest in your body.

The reason why I think this is that when I went and laid down, and calmed down, the symptoms went away. So I think that I was triggered and anxious from the fight and some body memories came up. I know that during some of the abuse I went through that I was drugged to the point of throwing up, so it makes sense that I might feel nausea as part of body memories. Also, I’ve had these before, and they usually do pass if I lay down for X amount of time. Sometimes this can be a few minutes, and sometimes a few hours.

I considered microdosing with THC again when the nausea hit because it was so bad, but decided against it. I want to take Maggie on a walk at the local trail, which means that I have to drive there. So I don’t want to microdose now. Plus, it seems like this is passing okay on it’s own.

There is a good chance though that I did overdo yesterday. I drove Maggie to and from her doggie daycare/day training twice, as I said exercised twice, worked on my book, read, played the Sims, and talked to a lot of people online, on top of doing some cleaning and making dinner. So I was quite busy. I think that I need to stick to exercising once a day in order to keep myself from crashing like this though. If I’m tired I’m more likely to have intrusive PTSD symptoms.

Talking about day training, Maggie had her first day of it yesterday. The trainer mostly helped her get adjusted to being in a new environment, and she did get to meet another dog. She spent a half day there, and I took her for a walk when she got home. She was pretty tired out after that for most of the evening, but then her puppy energy came back and she was running all around the house late last night.

Maggie will begin more of the training part of day training once she’s adjusted to being there. Hopefully this will be in the next couple of sessions.

In other news, we’re taking Patrick into a specialist tomorrow. He’s still pretty sniffly, so we need to see what’s going on with him. I really hope that he’s not allergic to Maggie!

I’m also going through a medication change right now myself. My psychiatrist changed me from the ADHD med clonidine to gaufacine last week, which is less sedating. I can tell that it’s less sedating because I have more energy during the day, and according to my fitbit, my resting heart rate is lower. I still am going to go up on guafacine, though, so it will sedate me a little more than this when I’m up to the highest dose. Also, guafacine is supposed to be better at reducing hypervigilant states, and I can say that I definitely do feel less hypervigilant these days. So that’s good. It seems like I’m getting on the right combination of medications.

I’m still gaining weight though from Vraylar. My doctor wants to reduce the dose on that. I didn’t want to because it helps a little with my depression, but now that I’ve found that microdosing helps even more, maybe I can go off or down on Vraylar. It is an antipsychotic and has a lot of side effects, so it would be nice to go off of.

I’m hoping today to take Maggie for a walk and also to work on revising one of my books for a little while. Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment below.

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