I recovered more memories yesterday in regards to the abuse that I went through. I’ve realized that I went through some pretty terrible things. I was able to realize that the reason why I can’t remember a lot of what I learned in graduate school (Experimental Psychology) is because I was and am repressing certain traumatic memories associated with psychology. I also realized that the reason why the cults I was in since a child have left me alone for a number of years is simply because I am no longer of use to them in any way. When my mental and physical health got worse due to all the abuse they put me through, they couldn’t find a use for me, so they just discarded me. This is actually common in cults.
I’m also having problems right now with my bladder or kidneys. The urinanalysis that was done last week when I went to the doctor showed blood in the urine. So now, I get to have a blood draw today, a CT scan next week, and then in June I will have a cytoscopy. The doctor (urologist) is worried that I may have small kidney stones and is also screening for bladder and kidney cancer.
The thing that frustrates me about this is that I have had blood in the urine in four different urinalysis since July 2018, and this is the first time that my primary at Providence has done anything about it. I don’t know why she didn’t send me to a Urologist sooner. She always acts like my health issues are in my head when they are not. It’s really frustrating. I tried to change primaries to another doctor at the Providence clinic but for some reason it didn’t go through. I’ll have to bring that up with them when I go in today to get my blood drawn.
Anyways, so I’m kind of worried about the whole thing because it’s been going on for so long and the doctor completely overlooked it. I finally had to send her an email about the test results asking if something should be done before she did anything about it! She didn’t offer to do anything about the blood in the urine on her own. If I hadn’t have sent an email to her about it likely she wouldn’t have done anything about it again.
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