We lost our cat Lucy about a week ago to intermediate/large cell lymphoma. It was really hard because it was unexpected. We thought that we would have a few more months with him because he was going through chemo, but the complications of his cancer just got too bad. It was really hard to say goodbye, because I wasn’t prepared for it at all.
This isn’t the first cat that I’ve lost to cancer. We lost Marmalade to large cell lymphoma in June 2018. But, he’d been on chemo for about 5 months and was no longer responding, so we knew a few days ahead of time that he would have to be put down soon. With Lucy, we didn’t have that kind of time to prepare, process, and say goodbye. He just went downhill incredibly fast. It was really shocking to me, and painful.
I’m having problems with motivation this week. Although this is already a common problem for me (I usually just force myself to get things done), it’s worse this week. And, I’m crying all the time about everything. I just feel like I’m a mix of emotions right now. It’s very hard, and harder than I expected it to be.
Still, I’m getting through it. This weekend we are going to be looking a goldendoodles. We looked at bordoodles on Wednesday, and they were very cute, but I’m worried about their herding instict around the cats. Plus, I found a breeder who is going to recommend a dog for me that could be trained to be a service/emotional support dog, which is what I need.
I’m still nervous about taking care of a dog, though. What if I don’t feel well enough some days to take it for walks? I’ve been told that I can always play fetch with a dog so that it can get it’s exercise, but what if I’m laying on the couch with an EBV flare? I know that David can always help out, too, but I’m nervous. I haven’t had a dog since I was a kid.
We’ll see what happens. For right now, Patrick is on my lap being supportive, as I don’t feel 100% this morning.
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