During my time in AA, I had sponsors and others who frowned upon the use of medications, particularly psychiatric medications and any kind of medications that could be addictive. Because of this, even though I had doctors who pushed me to try things like CBD, medicual marijuana, stimulants, and other things, I didn’t take them for fear of relapse.
Finally, a couple of years after leaving AA, and realizing that I disagreed with a lot of their dogma, I started trying things recommended by my doctors that in AA people think would lead to relapse. I started taking CBD oils and gels/rub ons, I started taking lavender pills every night, I started trying out different stimulants for ADHD, depression, and fatigue, and recently I started taking a homeopathic detox solution that contains 30% alcohol. In all of this time, I have not come anywhere close to drinking. And, I’m getting much, much, better. I also did some research and found out that one of my medications, lamotrogine, can replicate the Epstein Barr and other herpesviruses, so on Sunday I went down on that medication and am going to go off of it. And guess what? With all of this combined, and more, my sore throat that I’ve had consistently for at least a year, if not four or five years, is finally gone! I’m really happy about this.
I just wish that I would have done all of this earlier, particularly when Lucy was alive so that he could see me feel better. I was, though, starting to feel better even when he was around. I’ve started sleeping about 9 hours a night whereas I used to sleep 10-12, and this happened during the last couple of weeks of Lucy’s life. Hopefully, when he left us, he went knowing that mommy would finally be okay.
Still, I curse myeslf a little for not following doctors advice years ago because of my fear of “relapse”. I wonder, what would my life had been had I done all of these things years earlier? Would I have ever ended up on SSDI? And, if I hadn’t been so focused on my “sobriety”, and had been more focused on my health and well-being, where would I be today?
Part of the problem, too, was that my immediate family discouraged me from seeing naturopaths, who were ultimately the ones who have helped me the most. They call themselves a medical family, and for some reason don’t like naturopaths. When I went to see the one that ultimately did the right testing last January for CAEBV for the first time, my mom told me over the phone something along the lines as that they did not support me in seeing a naturopath, and did not find it acceptable that I was seeing one. I finally just went to one anyways. It took a lot of healing work for me to get to the point though where I could just ignore my parents in this instance. The truth is that I’d had people urging me to see naturopaths for years but my parents’ “advice” was holding me back big time.
I am glad that I’m getting all of this figured out now, at 38, rather than at an older age, though. I have to remind myself that I’m still pretty young, and that if I can get a handle on my symptoms now I might still go on to do meaningful things in my life. Right now, David and I are just focusing on exercising more often. We started doing at least 15 minutes of light/restorative yoga every night before bed. It is helping me sleep.
I’ve decided to take a day off from revising my books today and am going to do so tomorrow. I’m going to do some yoga today and relax, as well as run some errands.
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