Yesterday morning I noticed that I felt flushed. I took my temperature, which was 99.0 degrees– high for me. Just a few minutes later I started to feel really nausceous and had to throw up. It wasn’t a lot of fun. My stomach was upset and I had chills on and off for the rest of the day.
I’m feeling better today but am still wondering how much I should do. I want to exercise today but am not sure. Sometimes the effects of stomach flus linger with me. I do know that I need to go back to graduated exercise because I keep getting too fatigued with my current exercise schedule. David thinks that I should, for example, do no more than 10 minutes on the bike right now, or 10 minutes of walking. I agree, this is true, but it’s hard for me to stick to 10 minutes, even though I’m pretty sure that I’m in some sort of EBV flare right now.
Over the weekend, we saw my counselor and did a lot of Christmas shopping. My counselor validated my trauma history by saying that he believes me, even if he wasn’t there. It was nice. He’s a good counselor. We also talked about what sexual predators look like and how they behave overall (grooming, etc), and how this affects the survivor. He told me that because of the grooming, even though the abusers did horrible things, that the victims still will go to them sometimes first for support. It’s messed up, but true. I know that sometimes people wonder why I still spend time with my abusers and apparently it is because of this dynamic, and it’s not my fault. I am trying to spend less time with them, though, because they are not safe. What my counselor really is referring to, too, is trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim bonds to the abuser/perpetrator over the shared trauma and percieved survival from it. Trauma bonds are really hard to break. I know this. But I’ve broken quite a few of them so it can be done.
Shopping was really tiring, and I was exhausted by the end of the day. We came home and played Stardew Valley and watched tv. It was a nice day. Then yesterday we watched the movie “The Star”, which was a cute adaptation of Jesus’s birth from an animal’s perspective. I recommend it if you can stomach that sort of thing.
Anyways, my stomach’s starting to feel a bit upset again. That’s too bad. I guess I’ll have to rest again today. I still will probably do some editing of my fantasy book, though.
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