On Saturday we walked around Seattle and went on the Seattle Great Wheel and an Argosy cruise! It was a lot of fun but now I’m all exhausted from it. It’s crazy how much one day like that can really set off fatigue for me. It was still worth it though.
I want to exercise today and go to the store, but I don’t know that I have the energy to do so. I really am quite tired. And it’s not just from the exertion on Saturday, it’s also from just trying to keep my system afloat. It’s exhausting to do so, and it’s constant. Because I have child parts, it’s like being teacher or mother to a bunch of kids 24/7. I can’t get a break from it.
Sometimes life seems hard. It’s especially hard, too, becuase I just got out of abusive situations a few years ago, and it seems like adjusting to normal life is really hard for me. I grew up in an abusive situation, so that is my norm. I feel like, though, that I’ve come out of a lifelong war zone and now am supposed to adjust to every day life without a lot of help. It’s hard to do. I remember that I was constantly in a state of shock too for some time as I was trying to adjust to life. That seems to be wearing off but it’s still there sometimes.
But overall, it just feels weird to be in non-abusive environements. I get bored and depressed easily, and it seems like time just ticks by sometimes. The days seem really long, too, for some reason. Sometimes the silence of the day is torture for me, too, because I was used to everything being so busy all of the time for most of my life. Now that things are slower, it sometimes feels really difficult.
Even though it’s difficult to adjust to this new life, though, I know that it’s for the better. At least I’m acknowledging what’s going on with me, which makes it easier to cope with.
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