I remember when my whole life revolved around AA. I thought that AA was the funnest thing ever, and that it gave me a purpose. What I didn’t realize is that being so overly involved in it had robbed me of a lot of the things that I loved in life, including my intelligence (we’re told in AA that intelligence can cause you to drink and thus is bad). These days, I’ve been working to get back a lot of what I lost: my intellectual abilities, my writing ability, drawing, music, exercise, and many other things that I lost towards the end of my time in AA. It’s been quite the journey, and a lot of hard work, but is paying off. I find that I’m really beginning to enjoy life again, and am picking up hobbies here and there.
I’ve also gotten into activities such as word searches and mazes in order to exercise my brain. It seems to be going well. I’ve also been given the correct diagnoses since leaving AA and gotten a counselor who is DID informed and can help me with them. My psychiatric nurse practitioner helps me with ADHD, autism, and CAEBV as well. I’m really glad that I fought to get the right testing for CAEBV, because having that diagnosis and treating it is the key to me living a good and comfortable life.
I’m doing well on the medications that I’m on and have a couple of more to try. My doctor wants me to try hydrocortisone because she suspects that my cortisone is low due to being sick for so long. Also, there is a new ADHD medication that I need to try. I wasn’t going to because it isn’t covered by my insurance but my doctor (aka nurse practitioner) says that she can get it covered by my insurance.
Today I was able to leave the house and drive by myself to get an oil change and run other errands. I’m glad that I can drive again, even if it is for short distances. Part of the reason why I had to stop driving is that I developed a negative association with it due to being flooded with traumatic memories after driving home from AA meetings many times. It’s taken me a couple of years to recover from that.
It’s nice that I have the time to try out new things today, and am not overwhelmed with what I supposedly have to do to stay sober. I’ve found out today that I don’t have to do all the steps and suggestions in AA to stay abstinent from alcohol and drugs and have a good life. I can have that without the program.
I always wonder what people in AA who knew me think now. They probably assumed that I’ve relapsed, or are calling me a “dry drunk” because I’m not working the steps. But neither of those are true. I’m doing better than I have been in years.
Also, on a side note, I did confirm to my doctor that I was taking a poor generic of Ritalin. She’s sure that my downslide and hospital visit was due to that because I reacted the same way that others have who’ve had reactions to it. I’m going to have to talk to the pharmacy about getting that form of generic on an adverse reaction list for me.
I’m still waiting to hear back from my editor on the Silver and Spot children’s book that I wrote. In the meantime, I’m writing a mystery/horror novel, right in time for Halloween!
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