What I’ve found when it comes to acceptance is that I can’t just “accept” the trauma that I’ve gone through. Acceptance is a process, and for me it has involved the five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and finally, acceptance, which I approach a bit by a bit. In terms of the stages of grief, these have not happened in a linear fashion; they come and go and cycle back again. I’ve learned too that I accept my life and trauma a bit, then go back into denial, and then accept it a little more. This is because it would be too difficult for me to simply accept my trauma all at once, as that would be too much for my brain and body.
I remember that from AA I got this weird idea of acceptance that you can just “accept” something. This actually hampered with my process of acceptance, and it took me awhile to learn that this is something that I cannot do, and that acceptance and grieving is a process, at least for me. The 12 steps quick acceptance idea really hindered my progress with healing for awhile until I was able to overcome it.
Today I give myself space to grieve and heal, and know that I need to find ways to do it in my own way, rather than some prescribed way by a 12 step program or even a counselor. Everyone grieves in their own way is what I have learned.
As I work through my trauma, my life is getting better, and bigger. My memories andn skills are coming back. Recently I learned that I can draw again! I also wrote a children’s book and young adult book recently and am looking for an editor and publisher.
I can’t imagine my life any other way than it is now. I’m beginning to get really happy again, and my creativity is back. It’s great! I’m so glad that I decided to work through my trauma, leave AA, and move away from my abusers.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below.