Ever since I started having repressed memories a few years ago, it’s been really hard to balance my system. It seems like once I started acknowledging, too, that I had parts, everyone vied for attention. Some of them learned the bad habit of getting attention from me and David through having an excessive amount of traumatic memories. I tried every which way to stop or slow down the memories, but that only made it worse. What I’m realizing now is that the best way to slow down the memories and the parts themselves it to find a way to acknowledge them.
The hardeset parts I’ve found to acknowledge are the young, pre-verbal ones. They can’t talk, meaning that they don’t know how to verbalize other than trying to control my actions or do things sort of behind the scenes. But, when they get upset, it’s like a baby crying, and the whole system goes astray.
I decided to start buying and doing things that I enjoyed as a kid in order to help my child parts, especially these young ones. I’ve enjoyed coloring books, including adult coloring books, and a scratch and sketch book. As weird as it sounds, I also bought myself paper dolls and a little baby doll which is good for ages 2 +, which the little ones really like. I’m still not sure what to do about the parts that are under two… maybe I’ll have to buy them an infant stuffed animal or something.
I feel like the most important part, though, of buying and giving them these things is simply that I’m acknowledging and even accepting that they are there. It has been really hard for me to accept that I have DID and parts, particularly child parts. My current counselor is helping me to accept DID and my parts. He is very helpful to me.
David has the week off this week and so we are doing fun things like hiking and walking, and are going to go on a bike ride tomorrow. We also are putting up and buying new Halloween decorations right now. It’s a lot of fun!
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