I went to see my Psychiatrist yesterday. It went well overall, but afterward I felt very off for a few hours and couldn’t figure out why. At first, I assumed that I was anxious over upcoming medications, including the fact that I’m starting Concerta in a couple of weeks. But eventually I realized that I must have gotten triggered at some point during the day or the day before.
So I racked my brain to try to figure out when this happened, and I realized that it happened when my Psychiatrist was talking to me. He made what seemed to be a pretty basic comment, but to me it was really triggering. It likely would have been to others with certain trauma histories as well.
I hate being triggered. When I am, I feel like the whole world is spinning around me, and everything feels out of control. I just don’t feel right. And, sometimes if a trigger is bad enough, it will increase my chronic pain. This happened yesterday. So then, I’m not just emotionally uncomfortable but physically uncomfortable too.
I think too that not knowing what triggered me makes things worse too because of the unknown aspect of it. Once I figured out yesterday, for example, what triggered me I felt a lot better. But, I can’t always figure out the instance that I was triggered, so sometimes that not knowing what triggered me will bother me for days. It can get really uncomfortable. And since I’m not fully aware of all of the trauma that I went through (some of it is still repressed) I can’t always know what triggered me, no matter how hard I try.
I am getting better at spotting triggers though, so that’s good. I guess it’s just a work in progress.
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