I decided yesterday that I did want to try a Yoga class, and decided to try out a hot yoga studio near my house. I looked at the schedule and found a slow flow class that said on the website that it did not use heat like the other classes. That sounded good to me, as I was afraid to try hot yoga, but when I got there it turned out that it was a hot yoga class. So, I decided to go ahead and try it, especially because some people with fibromyalgia swear by it.
At first the heat felt nice, but the class was harder than I thought it would be. Due to the heat and the class itself, I only made it about 25 minutes through the class. After that, though, it took some time for my heart rate to go down. I also noticed that my body is a lot more relaxed after being in a hot room for awhile, and that my pain is down. Still, I’m not sure that I want to try hot yoga again because it just didn’t feel quite right for me, and I worry about the risks of overheating (I’ve had heat exhaustion before and it’s not fun).
I’m probably going to try some other yoga studios in the area. There is one that I want to go to that’s about 10 minutes away with freeway driving, but I think that driving on the freeway that long for me might negate the benefits of yoga (I hate that stretch of highway). So I’m going to try some classes closer to home.
The biggest part of going to that class yesterday, though, was simply that I got out of the house and did something, and actually a group activity, by myself. Ever since my crash and burn in AA I’ve been pretty afraid to do any kind of group activity, as it can easily re-traumatize me. But, yoga seemed to be okay for me. Also, just getting out of the house for something like that as I said by myself is progress as well, because for a long time I was so scared because of the trauma that I went through that I didn’t want to leave the house or drive. But it seems that the more that I integrate trauma, the less afraid I am for some reason. It’s like I’m not living in it as much anymore even though I remember it better when I need to. The memories themselves seem to be integrating to where when I think of trauma, memories don’t always immediately come up, and if they do, they aren’t as vivid. And, I can just think of my trauma and remember it whereas before the last couple of months I was in enough denial that my parts had to show me memories of the trauma when I needed to remember it. But today it is becoming more of a part of me and this in turn also reduces the number of memories that I have. I’m beginning to understand now what it means to work through and integrate past trauma.
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