I was kind of a nervous wreck yesterday and I’m not sure why. I do know that I drove for the first time in over a month, which could have been the source of the fear I was experiencing because I am very terrified of driving. I also ran some errands by myself and for some reason this got to me as well. Maybe I’m still transitioning back to normal life after being in a hospital for a month. Who knows.
The nervous wreck portions of my day started a little after I woke up, where my hands were shaking. But, I wasn’t and still am not sure if this was due to nerves, blood sugar, or if it is a side effect of being on such a high dose of antipsychotics, particularly Abilify. The hand shaking continued on and off until the late afternoon, and it freaked me out quite a bit because I do not want to develop Extra-Pyramidal symptoms because of the medications that I’m on. I did email my Psychiatric Nurse about the shaking hands, and haven’t heard back from her. But, I do think that this event led me down the road to major anxiety later in the day, partially too because when I went shopping it was happening and people noticed. I was very embarrassed and felt at that point that my anxiety was really starting to take off.
The whole situation at the store, then, started my road towards major anxiety yesterday. I had a hard time settling down after that, and when I tried to go to sleep, I was met with traumatic memories recurring, and ended up having a panic attack. I took a lavender pill and was able to get to sleep but I didn’t get as much sleep as I would have liked (and had nightmares all night).
I’m going to bring up my issues with anxiety to my Psychiatric Nurse and Psychiatrist next week. They seem to be really focused on my mood right now and ADHD but for me, PTSD and anxiety really are or at least feel like the two biggest problems that I have. It seems as though, for example, my mood doesn’t really fluctuate too much unless I am very anxious. So I really think that this should be addressed right along with the rest of my symptoms. And, the PTSD symptoms such as intrusive thoughts and flashbacks/memories is what usually result in me panicking and having emotions that are too much to bear.
Hopefully today is a better day. My hands are not shaking yet, so that’s good, and I’m not as anxious as I was yesterday. Maybe I’ll be able to do some fun and relaxing things and really feel relaxed.
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