Well, I didn’t get enough sleep last night, but at least when I did sleep I slept pretty deeply and was able to actually dream rather than lucid dream. I usually don’t sleep well in hospitals and when I go through withdrawals from medications (right now I’m withdrawing from Seroquel, Topomax, and Depakote) so this isn’t too surprising for me, but it is frustrating. And, I still have four group classess to go to that we (patients) are encouraged to attend in order to show that we are ready to go home from here. For me, though, I get really tired from these because doing this many is more energy than I’ve put out in a day in a very long time, and I am worried that I’m going to have another crash into chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia or EBV. I am taking L-Lysine every day to try to prevent another EBV flare, but the infectious disease doctors here don’t want me on antivirals if I do get a flare while at this hospital. Hopefully I don’t get too worn out. I am trying to rest in between classes and am doing restorative yoga to help me relax.
I’ve heard the saying that growth and healing is like two steps forward, one step back. I feel like for me healing and growth isn’t even quite this linear. I fall into this cycle that I get into with my mental and physical health issues. Whenever I put in some extra effort into my mental health, my physical health begins to crash, and then soon I can’t even go to counseling. The result is that my mental health then crashes too. So I’m not sure if that equation applies to me or not, because it feels like I’m a few steps back sometimes, and then like one step forward. Even so, I know that I am growing, but it seems like my progress is way slower than it could be.
I am going to take a chance though and drive a ways to see some DID specialists. I talked to my social worker yesterday and she is going to make an appointment with one of them once the doctors determine my discharge date/timeline. I am really worried that this will flare my physical health issues, but at the same time I need to see a counselor who is fully qualified to deal with my issues, which is something that I have not found yet. So, I’m just going to have to give this a try and hope for the best. Maybe seeing an expert will take enough stress off of me that my physical health gets better anyways. We’ll have to see.
The cats are doing well at home. Patrick and Lucy have begun to seek out attention from David more often, and the last few nights Patrick has even slept around David’s head. This is good news for me because it means that if he bonds to David in terms of sleeping with him, I might get more sleep when I get home (he likes to get aggressive about wanting attention in the middle of the night with me). I don’t think, though, that he’s doing the biting/scratching David’s face thing that he does to me when he sleeps with me, meaning that the two of them can sleep together just fine whereas Patrick doesn’t quite show the same respect for mommy.
Patrick is continuing to get chemotherapy at home, and is eating well again. But, a couple of weeks ago Lucifer got diagnosed with the same type of cardiomyopathy that Patrick has (an enlarged atrium versus the typical enlarged ventricle). The vet started him on Plavix. I’m glad that we caught this because I wouldn’t want Lucy to have to experience strokes like Patrick did before his condition was diagnosed.
David has been sending me lots of cute pictures of the cats. Some of the ones of Perdi are especially cute. She just has that angel face, you know, and when she curls up in a ball with her long, gray hair, she looks just as adorable as a cat can be– the epitamy of cat adorableness in my opinion.
Tempest and Lucy have been sitting together on David’s lap and are tolerating each other better. This is good because they are the ones who are most likely to hurt each other during a fight. Both are pretty big and muscular cats and are definitely alpha types. Tempest usually starts the fight with Lucy, and he is not one to back down from a fight.
Every night I call and talk to the cats right around their dinner time. I usually am able to feel empathically when they hear and connect to me. It’s quite cute. I know that even Tempest is beginning to wonder when I will get home (he’s quite aloof towards me).
Well, that’s about all I have to write for today. Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment below.