I am learning a lot of things at this hospital, however, it is difficult. I’m still getting mixed messages from the staff. It’s interesting to see what they consider “moving forward” as. One thing that I’ve been wanting to do for awhile is to just give away a bunch of my stuff that I collected during my time in domestic violence, including replacing a lot of our furniture, because those things are a constant reminder to me about what I have been through. The fact that I still have furniture from that time period makes it hard for me to sleep and sometimes worse. I started talking to the staff about this today and the county clerk and they think that I’m on the right track. But, it will take a lot of work to do this, especially when I think of all of the things in the house that trigger some type of trauma. I’m going to have to give away a lot of things that I love, but that’s okay. It will be worth it. In the end, I’ll still have my real family: David and the cats.
Some of the staff and patients still throw around AA phrases at me, expecting it to help me just because I have that diagnosis of substance use disorder in my background, even though one of the primary reasons why I am here is due to domestic violence by people who I met in AA. It’s kind of crazy that they can’t seem to understand that AA phrases trigger me, but they just don’t, and there doesn’t seem to be any way to get through to the staff and patients who do it. There just seems to be a number of blind spots when it comes to trauma in our society as well as AA.
There are some exercise mats here so I have started exercising again, but only at 10 minutes a time in order to preserve my energy. I do not want to overdo it and slip back into a severe Epstein Barr flare. So, I’m trying to find balance. I’m also working on building my social skills back up as they pretty much went to the wayside due to the isolation that I have experienced since moving to Snohomish. Helping me to learn to socialize again is one of the primary goals of the staff here at this hospital.
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