Well, I guess that David’s mind was blown when he saw that I can easily get along with a family member or someone other than him in general. He’s had all of these misconceptions of me that I just “can’t get along” with people right now. I think that a lot of this idea comes from his narcissistic mother, who claims that the reason why I have issues with her is because we can’t get along, it is due to misunderstandings, and because our families are different. But, the reason why I specifically don’t like her is because she treats me exactly like the narcissists in my family, which is traumatizing and triggering to me. Yet, even though I say “this triggers my PTSD” to David, he still sided with his family on this idea that it’s a communication thing/”family differences”. But, a person triggers my PTSD when he or she does something that reminds me of my abuse or my abusers. This is what a PTSD trigger is. Yet, despite the fact that she and her family obviously do this, David was still convinced that it was simply because I’m sensitive right now due to past trauma or that me and his family are just “different”. And, he convinced me of that too even though I knew better.
This really pisses me off, and makes me question if David, too, is a narcissist, or if he is an enabler, or what. Or, if he is just easily prey to his mother’s gaslighting and manipulation. But, when he saw me interacting just fine with a member of my family, he could no longer cling to her lies that “Meryl is just is too sensitive right now because of her past trauma” or “Meryl just doesn’t do well with family”, and so on and so forth. He also is starting to listen when I say that it’s not primarily the differences between our families that drive me crazy, but that it is actually the similarities that traumatize me, bother me, and make me want nothing to do with his family (or mine).
He also let me know, too, that because a number of the narcissists and abusers in my family are pedophiles and sex offenders, that he really has a hard time with accepting the fact that his family reminds me of my family, or that they might truly be acting/reminding me of the child sexual abusers in my family. And I can understand this. I mean, who wants to admit that their family members are reminding me of pedophiles in certain ways (because they are violating my boundaries repeatedly just like the pedophiles did)? That’s got to be an insult right to your core. So of course David is hoping that his mother is correct on all of this. But the issue is that she is not, and David is starting to figure this out.
The fact that his family members are reminding me of the sex offenders in my family also scares the living shit out of me. It’s not something that I wanted to happen, or something that I revel in, or want attention from, or anything like that. I actually find it quite disgusting and terrifying, and makes me question what the heck goes on in his family behind closed doors. And the truth is that I don’t really want to know or even think about this, but every time they do something like this, my stomach churns and my mind goes to the worse places possible. I have to do everything that I can to keep myself from actually throwing up right then and there. And the more times that they do this kind of stuff, the more suspicious that I become. Just thinking about it makes me seriously want to throw up right now. I’m holding back the chunks though for your (the reader’s) sake as we speak.
The other truth though is that David’s family is using the same techniques as my family does to abuse me: scapegoating, triangulation, victim blaming, stone walling, gas lighting. To me, this is a huge red flag and raises my suspicions, naturally.
Now, I know that people are freaking out about this blog post because it came across the wrong way. I apologize for that. Hopefully, I have cleared things up.
I think that’s enough for today, because talking about this is making me feel physically sick. Thanks for reading!