I know that I put quite a few updates these days on how I am doing health wise compared to the more content laden posts that I put up when I started my blog. Part of the reason why I do this is that it is therapeutic for me to write these types of things out; it is also useful for me due to my memory loss. It provides me with a way to track my health and life in general, which is really important for me on a number of levels. It not only helps me to make better decisions regarding my health and healthcare, but also can help me to see my forward progress when I have a bad day.
This morning, I woke up at about 7:30 with a really horrible kind on one side of my upper back. I was still able to fall asleep, but kept waking up all morning (I sleep in until 10 or 11 every morning because of my need for extra sleep). When I woke up the pain was and is still there. It’s annoying, and really painful, but the fact that I can feel this pain is actually progress. I haven’t actually felt kinks in my back for years due to dissociation. Over the past few months I’m also noticing that I’m getting the kind of tension headaches that I had back in college. Again, I wonder if I had these headaches and body aches this whole time though, but they either presented in funny ways or I didn’t feel them at all.
Yesterday I actually went to the grocery store and did a full grocery shopping trip by myself. I don’t even remember the last time that I did this. Because of my fears around leaving the house by myself, which arise not just from trauma but of the hardships of dealing with dissociative issues such as derealization and repressed memories, I’ve been doing short trips to the store for some time, ordering groceries, or relying on David to pick up groceries for me. I just have been unable to do this on my own. The full shopping trips that I’ve done have been with David.
Lately, though, the frequency of the repressed memories has drastically decreased, and my dissociative symptoms are following this pattern. This means that I do not have to worry as much about dealing with repressed memories while I’m driving and am away from home, and I feel safer in general because the world doesn’t seem so scary due to derealization. I believe that because of this, I am becoming much more stable and happy.
I’m really proud of myself for making it to the store yesterday. David is too. It’s funny what little things we take for granted in life, such as the ability to go grocery shopping on our own. When something like this has been taken from you in any way, like it was for me due to trauma, it is a big deal to get it back.
I also got my blood work results back from Friday. Unfortunately, my numbers show that my CAEBV has worsened since my last blood draw, which was two weeks ago. But, my kidney levels are in the normal range, as are sodium and potassium, which for me are sometimes low. Still, my Creatinine, which is a mark of kidney function, is on the very high end of normal, and my sodium and potassium levels are on the low end of normal. So, I still need to do what I can to regulate these issues. I’m really happy, though, that my kidney levels are in the normal range because that tells me that the mixture of new medications that I’m on are not having a negative impact on my body like the mixture that I got off of last summer.
I’m still gaining a bit of weight due to my thyroid functioning. Because of this, I’m watching my food intake and trying to exercise a few times a week. This whole situation does worry me, though, because it is so easy for me to fatigue due to exercise. I feel like dealing with my health issues is a bit of a balancing act.
Overall, though, I am feeling a lot better emotionally and in some ways have more mental energy than I have in the past. This blog speaks to that.
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