I saw a new counselor today, and one of the questions she had for me is “What do you want out of counseling?”. And the truth is that I just don’t know. I feel like because of everything that I’ve gone through, and because I have CPTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder, that I should go to counseling, and that if I find the right counselor that it should work for me like it has before. But, this counselor told me that sometimes she comes across people who really don’t need counseling anymore. She told me that sometimes people already have plenty of coping mechanisms and ways to deal with their life/trauma and that counseling isn’t necessary for these people. So I began to wonder- have I outgrown counseling? And if so, when did this happen?
I know that at some point over the last few years, counseling became more harmful than hurtful for me. I felt like it was keeping me stuck in the past and re-traumatizing me, but it seems like I couldn’t get a counselor to listen to me about this and continued to encourage me to go to counseling and discuss the trauma that I’ve been through. So I tried counselor after counselor and method after method but still seem to do better in life when I am not actively participating in counseling.
In terms of whether or not counseling is effective for me, I do have to take into account that it is hard on my physical health. I always get sore throats during counseling sessions and have chronic fatigue/EBV flares after almost every session. I’m really not sure if it’s even healthy for me to do it because of this.
The other concern that this counselor had is that I don’t need any more change in my life right now, and that this includes beginning counseling with a new counselor. I definitely know that this is an important consideration. I’ve just started on a few new medications, and am trying to adjust to my new diagnosis of Chronic Active Epstein Barr. This counselor told me that right now I might simply want to acclimate to all of these changes before tackling counseling again with anyone.
So I have a lot to think about and consider right now in terms of whether or not I want to start counseling again. Right now, I’m not really sure if it will be the right decision for me or not. But I’m not going to make a decision about it right away.
If you’d like, let me know your experiences with counseling. Has it always been helpful for you, or have you found it to be hurtful in any way? And/or have you yourself outgrown the need for counseling?
Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment below!