I’m Considering Whether Counseling is Right for Me

I saw a new counselor today, and one of the questions she had for me is “What do you want out of counseling?”. And the truth is that I just don’t know. I feel like because of everything that I’ve gone through, and because I have CPTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder, that I should go to counseling, and that if I find the right counselor that it should work for me like it has before. But, this counselor told me that sometimes she comes across people who really don’t need counseling anymore. She told me that sometimes people already have plenty of coping mechanisms and ways to deal with their life/trauma and that counseling isn’t necessary for these people. So I began to wonder- have I outgrown counseling? And if so, when did this happen?

I know that at some point over the last few years, counseling became more harmful than hurtful for me. I felt like it was keeping me stuck in the past and re-traumatizing me, but it seems like I couldn’t get a counselor to listen to me about this and continued to encourage me to go to counseling and discuss the trauma that I’ve been through. So I tried counselor after counselor and method after method but still seem to do better in life when I am not actively participating in counseling.

In terms of whether or not counseling is effective for me, I do have to take into account that it is hard on my physical health. I always get sore throats during counseling sessions and have chronic fatigue/EBV flares after almost every session. I’m really not sure if it’s even healthy for me to do it because of this.

The other concern that this counselor had is that I don’t need any more change in my life right now, and that this includes beginning counseling with a new counselor. I definitely know that this is an important consideration. I’ve just started on a few new medications, and am trying to adjust to my new diagnosis of Chronic Active Epstein Barr. This counselor told me that right now I might simply want to acclimate to all of these changes before tackling counseling again with anyone.

So I have a lot to think about and consider right now in terms of whether or not I want to start counseling again. Right now, I’m not really sure if it will be the right decision for me or not. But I’m not going to make a decision about it right away.

If you’d like, let me know your experiences with counseling. Has it always been helpful for you, or have you found it to be hurtful in any way? And/or have you yourself outgrown the need for counseling?

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment below!

3 thoughts on “I’m Considering Whether Counseling is Right for Me

  1. I’ve been in therapy for nearly five years working on the dissociation and ritual abuse memories. Once I found a therapist who understood ritual abuse and D.I.D. I was able to get the right help. Having said that it’s taken me about 5 years to fully “trust” my therapist. Also it has been beneficial to have someone incorporate a variety of modalities in my healing from art therapy to sand tray to body work through to just talking. Importantly she talks to my parts and that has been very helpful. She empowers me so I can talk to them too. Do you talk to your parts? Does your counselling have this type of experience? 🤓

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    1. The closest counselor that specializes in DID is 35 minutes away on a day with good traffic. So no, the new counselor is not a DID expert. But she told me that she is willing to learn about it and will read up on it if I decide to become her client. I haven’t yet had a counselor do that for me, so I find this very promising. I do talk to my parts quite a bit, and the littles will talk to David too. At first, this weirded him out but he is pretty used to it now. And I feel like it would take me some time to feel safe with a counselor because once the memories started for me, it took me almost four years to feel safe around David again (we’d already been together for 7 months, I felt comfortable around him, and then it was just gone once I started to delve into my trauma). So I feel like if it took that long with David, who I see every day, it might take a very long time for me to feel comfortable and safe with a counselor.

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      1. That’s nice your counselor would do that. I travel an hour to see my T. My husband and I r just separating but my Little’s came out to him all the time. He was very good with them. Our parts need people they can trust and partners can provide that. I know I have to work hard to position me as the “go to” person first as humans are fallible. It is a complex journey.

        Liked by 1 person

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