Well, I Failed on Another Medication Pretty Much Immediately

I’ve been having issues with medications in the last few years. Up until about a year ago I was on a number of mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic and was on high doses of all of them. This caused me to develop kidney disease, which has improved since going off of them. The medications I was on also contributed to my treatment-resistant depression and suicidal thoughts that I had for a few years. Of all the meds that I was on, it seemed as though the antipsychotic Latuda was the one that would increase these thoughts and feelings the most. It also caused me to have terrible muscle spasms at night right after I took it. These were so bad that I would scream in agony, and David became afraid that I was disturbing the neighbors. Despite all of this, though, my providers were hesitant of taking me off these meds or reduce them due to my misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Now that I’ve been off of and/or am on reduced doses of these meds my depression is improving and I rarely have suicidal thoughts– that is, until last night. Due to my continued depression symptoms, though, my provider decided to put me on Clomipramine, which is known to help treatment-resistant depression. It seemed like a good choice, too, because I’ve had bad reactions to SSRIs before. However, after I took it last night, I couldn’t sleep and I started having suicidal thoughts again. Today I talked to my provider about this and will no longer be taking this medication. While I’m glad to have a provider that doesn’t say things like “Give it more time” like my previous ones did, I’m still frustrated that I had another reaction to medications.

So now I just sit here and think to myself, “I wonder if being on all of those high doses of unnecessary medication has messed up my ability to take other psychiatric medications.” I know that this may just be an irrational fear, but I still consider if there could be any truth in it. Luckily, I do know that Ritalin is working for me, so there is hope. I’ll keep you all informed as I try more anti-depressants for treatment-resistant depression. Thanks!

Categories depression, Psychiatric MedicationTags

3 thoughts on “Well, I Failed on Another Medication Pretty Much Immediately

  1. Hey, do you research meds before you take them? I always research meds before I put them into my mouth. I refused Latuda because of the muscle spasms problem & because of the diabetes risk. Diabetes run in my family; I won’t take anything that might cause it & most newer meds do.

    Taking lots of meds will mess up both your kidneys & your liver. My father recently died from complications of kidney disease, caused in part from years of heart disease meds, diabetes meds, blood pressure meds, etc.

    After years of being on the “cocktail”, I find that less is more & I am on ONE med for my bipolar disorder. I take lots of vitamins & eat a very healthy diet & exercise daily. I am 59 this year & in better health, both mentally & physically than I have been in YEARS.

    I see my psychiatrist in a few days & it’ll be the same old fight over meds. I’m not taking enough to “manage” my “disease” … HA! I remember the days of being on tons of meds. I WAS A MESS & SO WAS MY LIFE. But I think that the doctors want you on lots of meds … if you’re sick, they have business. I don’t want to be sick & I don’t care if they have business. I care about ME.

    I don’t know how old you are or the particulars of your life. But moods come & moods go. “THIS TOO SHALL PASS” For me, keeping a diary & writing about my moods & my life really helps. I have forty years of journals now.



    1. I started researching medications thoroughly once I realized that I was having kidney issues. I’ve also done a genesite test that did indicate that I could have kidney issues on a medication I was on. So today I do research medications. I’m on two mood stabilizers right now, but one is low dose Gabapentin for chronic pain, and Ritalin. So that’s one med for cyclothymia, one for chronic pain, and one for ADHD. My psychiatrist already wants to add more though but I do think that I need to be more assertive about my concerns about overmedication. And yes I love writing.


  2. & you didn’t FAIL anything. You LEARNED that you can’t take that med. You actually WON.



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